A Recovery Blog

This blog is about my continuing recovery from severe mental illness and addiction. I celebrate this recovery by continuing to write, by sharing my music and artwork and by exploring Buddhist and 12 Step ideas and concepts. I claim that the yin/yang symbol is representative of all of us because I have found that even in the midst of acute psychosis there is still sense, method and even a kind of balance. We are more resilient than we think. We can cross beyond the edge of the sane world and return to tell the tale. A deeper kind of balance takes hold when we get honest, when we reach out for help, when we tell our stories.

Monday, January 19, 2009

New Year's Weight Loss Resolution

This week I was shopping around online for a weight loss support program. I went first to Weight Watchers where there was a free 7 day trial offer. I found their service a bit complicated and I couldn't use certain features because I don't have a flash player installed. I cancelled my subscription on the 7th day. If I hadn't I would have been charged $65 for the first 3 months and then about $17 each month afterwards. I then found reviews and ratings for 10 of the most popular programs online. Most charged between $16 and $19 per month, but the cheapest charged $20 for a whole year. This was the Anne Collins Weight Loss Program and it was the lowest rated amongst the 10. For $20 I decided to try it anyway.

Ms Collins offers about 10 different diets all designed for losing weight, some are for diabetics, some for lowering cholesterol, some for vegetarians, etc... The basic premise is the same as Weight Watchers: in order to lose weight you must eat less and exercise more. I found portion controlled measurements which showed me that though what I eat is not so bad, my portions are way to big. Basically I need to cut out about 500 calories a day or one meal if I am going to begin losing weight. The instruction is to eat when hungry, every 3 hours or so, but to eat small portions of healthy food.

There are active message boards for added support and each person is encouraged to create a personal log of what one eats, exercise and general thoughts for others to read and respond to (though it is okay to keep the log private if you so choose.) So far I've introduced myself. In my introduction I revealed that I suffer from schizophrenia and have gained weight, in part, due to some of the medication I'm taking. I was hoping that by being honest I can reassure others in similar circumstances along the way. So far I've gotten one positive response.

Basically, I have never gone on a diet though I have watched what I eat and for a short period of time I skipped meals in order to lose weight. The voices warned me about eating disorders, saying that it can be a terrible trap. Still, dieting is about control and too much control is mind warping. So a balanced approach is the key I think. So now I am beginning the process of paying attention to everything I eat and drink. I will measure and count just as millions of people do every day. I will join the ranks of those determined to lose weight.

It won't be easy and it will take me a year of determination, but I can do this. I will allow for relapses. The main thing is to get back on track afterwards and work towards a steady pace, keep track of my successes and get support for when I fail and give support in return. I have to learn to be accountable to myself.

I can't help but see parallels between eating too much and smoking. There's the strong desire to do it and the near unconsciousness when you do do it. I mean how often do I eat mindfully? Usually I'm thinking of the next bite as I'm chewing on the first one. Before I got ill, I practiced yoga and meditation and mindful eating. Before I took the first bite I would identify all the ingredients and be grateful. I would slow everything down. Cooking, if you don't cheat, is a good way to appreciate food. It slows things down. I just don't want to become food obsessed, but I do want to begin measuring my food in a way that I haven't done before.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

There's no better time to start losing weight! For some motivation, a comedy site has launched a weight loss contest with $250 cash prizes for two winners.

Anonymous said...

Kate I am also trying to diet. The diet I am on has a measuring gaugr on the plate so no need to count calories or weigh. I am finding it hard and always thought I didn't eat that much but hey no that is not true. My portions have also been way too big.

J.P

Bev said...

Kate I am proud of you for your choice to get healthy. I have chosen to do the same thing. I am going to Weight Watchers meetings here in town and setting small goals for myself. So far its going well. Let me know if you want to get together and walk or maybe we could check out curves together. You go Girl!!!!

Feminist Voice with Disabilities said...

Kate~
Congratulations on your resolve to lose weight and I hope your efforts are succesdful! I have gone on and off diets the past few years. I lose a few pounds, but it's generally never many (like I wish it was), and so I end up giving up. I know I must choose to stick to a healthier eating plan for life if I'm going to get off all the pounds I've gained while on psychotropic medications, but I seem to have trouble sticking to my plans.

Right now I feel quite disgusted with myself, in part because I recently looked at some old pictures of myself in my very skinny years, and I really, really regret letting my weight get so out of control as it has while I've been on antipsychotics the past three years. I also recently found a couple of high school friends, who, like me, had eating disorders in high school, and I found that they are both still thin as sticks, which makes me really embarrassed because I am beyond the point of people who knew me back then being able to recognize me now. I weight twice what I weighed in my anorexia years. Not that I would EVER want to go back to anorexia, because I wouldn't, but sometimes I really miss being so thin.

Anyway, I could go on about this (weight has always been a big issue for me), but I don't want to bore you and write too much. I just wanted you to know you're not alone with this struggle and I think it is possible that you will be able to lose all the weight you want to lose since you sound very committed to your efforts. Good luck!
~Jen